Chapter Two
Waiting

It had really become routine for me at this point to stare at myself in the mirror for several minutes while I was getting ready, still looking for any signs that I was, in fact, a goddess who happened to have been born to two mortals, but every day I appeared the same as I did before.  Perhaps the only change I saw was the way that I was beginning to look a little worn down, but that really had something to do with how I was born.  But still, I felt a little silly for doing it, even if it was just because it was habit now.  I felt like my sisters, staring at my reflection to make sure that nothing was out of place, and that everything looked the way it ought to.  The difference was that I actually wasn’t looking for imperfection – I was looking for it – so I wouldn’t spend hours afterwards correcting the imperfections.  Instead I would just sigh, tell myself that all this goddess nonsense was a load of bull, and continue on with the rest of my routine.

Eros still sat in the armchair, looking like he had never moved from the spot.  I was waiting for the day he actually asked me what I was doing – having watched me my whole life, he should know that scrutinizing myself wasn’t something I normally would do.  But he was always so lost in thought that I doubt he even saw what I did anymore.  In fact, I didn’t even bother worrying about if he happened to be watching me as I got dressed, since he always had that slightly glazed look on his face. 

As a matter of fact, I honestly would think that he never moved from that spot if it wasn’t for the fact that I knew he routinely crawled into bed with me, usually sometime after I had given up on him and went to bed.  I would wake to find him slumbering peacefully beside me, and I would force myself to resist that urge to kiss him while he was like that.  And he would wake at some point during my morning routine, and I would find him once again in that armchair, looking distant.

I suppose I shouldn’t complain; after all, he was making the effort to remain at my side rather than going off and looking for his first wife.  I’m sure it was all just to make me, still with my mortal mindset, feel better, but often I wondered if he wasn’t lying to me when he was telling me he was going to work.  In reality, I’m sure he was just searching for his wife’s soul so they could finally be reunited.  After all, I only had a small piece of it, if Hades was to believed.  The immortal soul of a mortal, after all, was merely an artificial soul.

I sighed as I glanced at him, so deeply lost in thought.  If I had been a normal mortal girl, I’d have given up on him a long time ago for being not interested in me, and probably have tried to move on with my life.  The problem was that he did seem to have some interest in me, talking to me from time to time, and making me forget that he was so distant towards me.  But we had lost the way conversation just flowed from us, and that saddened me.  I thought I had a real connection with Eros, and now even that was taken from me.

I wondered if this was Psyche’s plan all along.  Make me think she was going to do something, and simply watch my life fall apart without even having to lift a finger.

Psyche was far more dangerous than Aphrodite, that’s for sure.  She was creative and clever, and she could do a lot more harm.  Aphrodite just wanted me to stay away from her son, but I still didn’t think she wanted any harm to come specifically to me.  After all, if she did, she wouldn’t have agreed to the few conditions I ended up setting for her.  She wouldn’t have been concerned about my education at all.  She would have been beyond pissed that I didn’t want her to mess with my family anymore.  She had no problem with me, but rather with my soul’s past lives.

Which, in the end, turned out to be something she shouldn’t have had a problem with at all, considering it wasn’t my soul who was hurting Eros so much.  I hadn’t wanted to leave Eros and the life she was living, but her mortal half did.  I wonder if that attributed to the fact that I hadn’t seen Aphrodite in the past three months, not since I released Psyche.  I had to admit it was rather nice, although I certainly wasn’t leaving my guard down for her as well.  But I could only really handle one godly crisis at a time, I found.

As I did every morning, I startled him slightly by giving him a quick peek on the cheek to let him know I was leaving for breakfast.  Typically, that was his cue that he could leave to do whatever he wanted, because I would be gone most of the day while at school.  I had arranged my schedule this year so I had as much time as I could on campus, figuring that the reality show would still be filming.  I hadn’t counted on my grandmother coming over to practically live with us until Penny’s baby was born – and probably after as well – so that was a little disappointing.  But I had grown accustomed to seeing my grandmother when I got home, and it gave me something to look forward to.

Another change that had been made in the last three months was the fact that the reality show was set to premier within the next few weeks, meaning that Penny and Phoebe, when they weren’t here planning the wedding, were off on the talk show circuit, promoting it.  They did most of their promos and advertisements right after Penny made her announcement so she wouldn’t be sporting her baby bump in any of them.  Penny was happiest when she was on talk shows, though, because there she would expertly shift the attention from the show or Phoebe’s wedding to her baby.  It felt just wrong that Penny was able to use another human being to draw more attention to herself.

“I still can’t believe that actually can get up at dawn,” Nona was saying as I descended the stairs.  “They never got up before noon when they were visiting me.”

“They need an incentive,” Mom was saying, laughing slightly.  “Although Penny, from Donald’s told me, has been getting up fairly early before the baby doesn’t seem to be a night owl.  I sort of feel sorry for him right now, because he’s also told me she’s generally not a happy person when this happens.”

“There’s something wrong with that girl,” Nona said.  “It’s one thing to be irritated – God knows how often I couldn’t get to sleep or woke up entirely too early because of one of my children – but in the end, I never minded.  I was delighted by the miracle growing inside of me.  She only acts like she’s happy.”

“I think its fair payback,” Mom said, sipping on her coffee as I took my seat beside her.  “Penny was such a restless baby that, by the time she was born, I hadn’t had a proper night’s sleep in weeks.  Psyche here wasn’t much better, but she would eventually fall asleep at night.”

“Hey, don’t look at me,” I said, trying to fend her off. “Only one of your daughters would be annoyed to be having a baby. “

Mom chuckled.  “This is true,” she said.  “Phoebe might be entirely too much like her sister at times, but there’s no denying that she’d at least make a good mother.  Especially now that she’s taking on more responsibility for herself.  I used to worry about her being out on her own, but now I worry less.”

“Phebes isn’t exactly the brightest crayon in the box,” I laughed, “but I think she’ll be okay now.  She has Nate, after all.”

“Thank God for that,” Mom said, sipping at her coffee again.

“Do you have any plans for this afternoon, agapi̱ménos?” Nona asked carefully.

I paused, considering it.  “Possibly.  It depends on what you need me for.”

“Well, provided your sister gets back at a reasonable hour, we were going to work on the place settings for the reception,” she admitted. “Nate’s coming over as well.”

I glanced at Mom to see if she really needed me there.  She looked passive.  “Actually, I was thinking about hanging out with Maddie after class,” I lied.  “We haven’t in a while, and I think she’s getting a little offended.”

Nona immediately dropped the subject.  “Of course, of course.  You haven’t had much time for your friend since I arrived, have you?  What with your school schedule and all this wedding planning…  You need a break, agapi̱ménos.”

“We have Nate,” Mom stated.  We’ll be fine.”

Another thing that always surprised me was the fact that, while Eros was always gone when I went upstairs to finish preparing for the day, it was usually just because he was already in my car waiting for me.  That part of our routine hadn’t changed much.  And when he did have a so-called job that he needed to complete, he typically left a single red rose in the passenger seat for me to let me know.  I was getting all sorts of mixed signals from him, unfortunately, which I think was the main reason I hadn’t really given up on him yet.

He was there today, staring out the window as he normally did.  “I’ve told you before,” I said as I slid in, “you don’t really have to drive to school with me every day.”

He turned to me in surprise, both because I had caught him off guard with my presence and what I was saying.  “Why wouldn’t I?” he asked me honestly.

“All you do is sit in the car until we get there, and then you utterly disappear on me.  You’re not even spying on me anymore!  So what’s the point?  You can save yourself the trouble, you know.”

“You can still tell I’m spying on you?  How do you know you’re not just getting accustomed to the feeling?”

I glared at him.  “Because I can still tell,” I pointed out.  “You don’t do it often enough that I’ve been desensitized.”  I don’t think I could even if he did watch me all the time now. 

“So…you don’t want me here?  Is that what you’re saying?”

“Well, no,” I admitted.  “All I’m saying is that if you have better things to do, I won’t be offending if you want to do them instead of driving to school with me.”

He grinned at me, one of the few times he’s done so in the past three months that made me believe he was still in love with me.  “There lies the problem, Psyche; I do want to.  And that being the case, I’m afraid you’re stuck with me.”

I shook my head at him.  “You’re incredible, you know that?” I asked sarcastically.

Still, the drive to campus, which used to have us babbling away, was now done in silence.  I used to try to talk to him, but he was so unresponsive that I just gave up on the practice.  And at that point, I was so used to the silence between us that I felt so awkward trying to start a conversation.  So I drove while he stared out the window at the scenery passing by, and I felt lucky to be in his presence at all at this point.

“So, do you have another job for today?” I asked once I had parked the car, loathed as I always was to actually get out. 

He thought about it for a moment.  “Not that I’m aware of, but Mama does like to spring things on me when she’s having difficulties, so I might at some point.”

“So what are you going to be doing all day?”

He shrugged.  “Probably the same thing I do every day you’re at school,” he told me.  This was his typical response, but he always dodged the question when I asked him exactly what that was.

I wanted to know, but I figured it was something he wasn’t going an answer anyway, so I decided not to press the issue.  Obviously, what he did didn’t involve spying on me anymore, and I honestly didn’t know how I felt about that.  I know most girls would be annoyed at their boyfriends spying on them all day like that, but considering he had been doing it all my life, and I had developed a feeling of great joy when I felt his presence, I wasn’t really bothered by the idea.  I was more bothered by the idea that he just wasn’t doing it anymore, and I had no clue what he was doing instead.

“Okay,” I said carefully.  “Well, don’t have too much fun doing whatever it is.  Don’t need you getting into trouble or anything.”

He smirked slightly at the idea, and because I guess he was in a good mood, he actually leaned over to give me a quick farewell kiss before I exited the car.  It happened from time to time – I think he was doing it to be polite – but sometimes he was too lost in his thoughts to realize I was even gone.  Sometimes I wondered if he stayed all day in the car like that, never realizing that I was gone.  It would be weird, yes, but I’ve seen him sit still in a trance for hours without moving or even realizing where he was before, so I wouldn’t put it past him.

My courses this semester were a little more straight forward.  I was still taking my core classes, getting them out of the way before I was forced to decide what I wanted to do with the rest of my life.  I had another English credit, as well as a science, history, and two random courses I could take.  I ended up picking all the same classes as Maddie this time just for the hell of it, since I didn’t like all that time spent away from her.  It was nice, since we were able to sit down and do out homework and study together if we wanted to.

“Hey,” I said to her when I arrived at our first class.  Naturally, living on campus meant that she tended to arrive earlier, even though she got up later.

“Hey,” she said happily, clearly glad to see me.  “How are things going?”

I shrugged at her.  “They’re going, unfortunately.  Nothing exciting happened to me over the weekend, so don’t worry; you didn’t miss anything.”

“Damn.  I mean, that’s good.  That nothing’s happening.  You’ve got enough to deal with at home without all this Greek god nonsense hanging over your head as well.”

“That’s the problem; I can’t get it to stop hanging over my head.  No one seems to know what’s going on anymore.  Psyche literally just popped out of existence, and no one can seem to find her.  And no one seems to know what’s going on with Aphrodite anymore.  No one can find her either to find out if the trials are still on or not.  It’s been three months since I last heard from her, unless she’s thinking I didn’t complete the last trial, and that I’m dead.”

“Why would she disappear if that were the case?  Shouldn’t she be happy you’re gone?”

“Eros is a little confused about it as well, but Persephone seems to think that she’s laying low because you weren’t exactly meant to be claimed during the trial.  She’s afraid of the backlash that would be coming to her, if that’s what the problem is.  Zeus, I’m told, is rather sympathetic to mortals, and if he found out that a mortal died prematurely because of her, well, she’d have hell to pay for it.”

“She’d deserve any backlash she’d get,” Maddie said hotly, which surprised me.  Nothing really got her angry, but I guess Aphrodite trying to put me through a series of tests to see if I was worthy of her son was enough to do it.  “I mean, why couldn’t she have left good enough alone?  Eros is a grown man, and he can make his own decisions.  Why does it matter why he ends up with?”

“They’re all gods, Maddie; they don’t think like we do.  It doesn’t matter that Eros is grown and can make his own decisions because of it – the fact remains that he’s her favorite son, and she didn’t like the idea of a mere mortal getting in the way.  Besides, him chasing me all those centuries was hurting him, and she didn’t want that to happen again.”

“But you’re not a mortal,” she insisted.  “You’re a goddess.  That should be proof enough that you’re worthy of him.  Maybe that’s why she stopped; she found out about your divinity and realized her mistake, and doesn’t want to own up to it.”

I shook my head.  “Maddie, we’ve been through this before; even though you want me to be a goddess doesn’t mean that I actually am.  How would an immortal soul be reincarnated, anyway?  It’s immortal for a reason, right?”

“Not if it’s been stripped of its body,” she pointed out.  “Besides, didn’t both Persephone and Hades confirm it?  The soul you released was the mortal soul, and one Psyche was born with, which means that you would have the other half of her soul.  Which means that you have the goddess half, which means that you were born a goddess.”

“I am not a goddess, Maddie,” I insisted.  “I can’t do anything that they can, and I’m not special, okay?  Sure, I seem to have a special knack for people’s personalities, but that’s not anything unusual.  I’ve heard of other people having a sixth sense about others.”

“You’re in denial, Psy,” she said.  “You’ve been in denial since you found out.  Is it really that terrible that you were born a goddess?”

“Yes,” I stated.  “Think about it; if I was immortal, that would mean I would outlive everyone – Mom, Papa, you – and then I’d face the possibility of going just as insane as the first Psyche did before she decided to become reincarnated.  But my insanity would come faster.  You don’t want that, do you?”

“I’ll ask to be reincarnated, so you can have the joy of befriending me over and over again.  It’d be fun.”

“Would Zephyr be okay with you reincarnating yourself, though?  He’s seen what happens when the woman he loves is constantly reincarnated; I doubt he’d wait for you.”

She turned bright red, as she normally did when I brought up her relationship.  She had been a little unsure about the attention she was getting form the god of the west wind, but she ended up, at my insistence, taking a chance on him, and now they were pretty inseparable.  Maddie was hesitant to actually call him her boyfriend, although they’d been on more dates than Eros and I had, mostly because she wasn’t so sure about being in a relationship with a god knowing that she is literally a mere mortal.

But I knew the signs well, and it was fairly obvious that over the course of the three months they’ve known each other, she’s managed to fall head over heels in love with him, even if she herself was afraid to admit as much.  And the feeling was clearly mutual.  Everyone whose seen them together – Eros, Persephone, and Hedone – remarked on the change in Zephyrus.  Apparently, he was more in love with her than he had ever been with Hyacinth.

Which actually brought up a strange worry in all the gods of Apollo taking offence, and coming down to try to steal Maddie away from him.  I doubt that would happen – Maddie wasn’t really interested in shiny pricks of gods, so she would probably just blow him off.  I was the only one who wanted Apollo to try something, just to prove that she would react as I predicted.

“Well,” she said after a moment of uncomfortable silence on her part.  “I wouldn’t be like you – the first you.  If I were to be reborn, it would be to experience the joy of making new friends and falling in love all over again, not to try to live a life without you.  So neither of you would have anything to worry about, trust me.”

Oh, I trust you.  I just don’t trust you around Zephyr.”

She swatted at me in order to get me to stop, but I just laughed at her, and dodged her attack.

Classes themselves were rather routine at this point.  This semester was better than last in one regard – since Maddie was around me all the time, I didn’t have people trying to befriend me or get into my group all the time.  Maddie and I made sure to keep up our banter so no one would try to edge in, and it was quickly established that Maddie was my best friend.  They all still stared, though, but at least they weren’t being annoying about it.

It was also better because I had Maddie with me all the time, but I figured that was given.

Still, it was always nice to have something less to worry about.  I could focus on all the crap going on in my life without worrying about my celebrity status, and they way people tended to go out of their way to try to associate themselves with famous people.  Just so they could tell their families back home that they met Psyche Karalis, or whatever.  I never understood it.  We were people, just like them, but somehow, we were better just because more people knew our names.  It was ridiculous, but I grew up with it, so I was used to it.  Even if I didn’t get it.

“So, are you planning on doing anything after class?” Maddie asked me innocently once we were finished for the day.

I shrugged.  “They’re going to be working on place settings, from what I understand.  I told them that I had plans to hang out with you this afternoon.  I sort of need to get away from a little bit.”

“Oh, awesome.  I love being your go-to girl for escaping!  It’s so much fun!  Is Eros going to be joining us?”

I tensed, waiting for the moment when he materialized (although I hated when he did it in public) to reveal that he was in fact going to spend the afternoon with us, but we remained Eros-free.  Even Maddie looked a little disappointed.  “Apparently he’s got other things to worry about,” I said, shrugging as though it didn’t bother me.

“Psyche,” she started to say.

“Don’t,” I told her.  “I know, but just…don’t.”

“I’m sorry.  I know you’ve been dealing with this, but…it’s just not right, Psyche.”

I gave me a smile that I hoped was convincing, but I knew it wasn’t.  “It’ll be all right, Maddie.  We just need to give it time.”

“But what happens when we do and he comes to the conclusion that he wants to be with the first Psyche?”

I shrugged again.  “Then we move on and forgive him.  It’s his choice, Maddie; I’m not going to force him to make it.”

She shook her head.  “It’s still not right…”

Maddie’s roommate gave me a rather sour look when I entered with her, but I doubt she was going to stay long anyway once Maddie came back.  The two definitely had issues, but there wasn’t much either of them could do about it.  Maddie’s even temper made it so she didn’t mind when her roommate was there, which annoyed her to no end, so she was usually the one who found someplace better to go.  It didn’t bother me in the least.  It just made things easier for us.

“Hello,” Maddie said pleasantly.

“Ugh, good-bye,” she said, standing and grabbing her things so she could go elsewhere for a few hours.  I shrugged again, giving her a polite smile as she stormed off.

“Who the hell pissed in her corn flakes?” Zephyrus said, looking amused.  Unlike me, Maddie was always delighted when he materialized when she least expected him to, although she was always quick to school her expression when he did so.  So while Eros strove to contain him, Zephyrus just did it because he knew Maddie didn’t mind

“How long have you been standing there?” I asked him as I threw my bag on Maddie’s bed.

He shrugged.  “I followed you up, if that’s what you were asking.  Unlike a certain someone we know, I know how to read a schedule, and I know when she’s done with classes.  I don’t need to follow her around like a little lost puppy all the time just to make sure I’m there when she wants me.”

“You two are too freaking cute, you know that?”  Maddie blushed and threw a pillow at me.  “But I haven’t had anyone following me around for quite a while.”

“He does sometimes,” he remarked as he made himself comfortable on the other bed, making a point to do so.  “Not nearly as often as he used to, but I’ve seen him around sometimes, looking distracted as he normally does.  I’m surprised he’s able to remain invisible when he’s like that.”

“But I can never feel him.”

“That’s because when he was doing it occasionally, you didn’t desensitize yourself.  But when he was doing it every day, your body got used to it.  Plus, there’s the fact that he’s not fully focused on you, which probably doesn’t help matters.”

“I just don’t understand it, Zephyr; why’s he acting like this?” I found myself asking despite myself.  I caught myself, giving them both a sheepish look.  “I’m sorry; you probably don’t want me to complain about my relationship troubles right now.”

“Oh, Psyche, you know we don’t mind,” Maddie insisted.  “It is strange, at least I think it is.  And it’s worrisome.”

“It really is,” Zephyrus told me.  “And like she said, I don’t mind.  Eros is my best friend, and the way he’s been acting is so strange.  I mean, he was so freaking happy when you returned his love that it was just…stupid, and here he is, pining after the girl who he was told doesn’t love him anymore.  I didn’t take him for the sort of guy who wanted the hard to get girl.”

“Especially when Psyche is right there, and happens to hold a piece of the soul that he loved.”

“I wonder if that’s the problem,” Zephyrus mused.  “I mean, sure, she has a piece of it, but it’s an artificially created soul, and he might be pining after the soul he fell in love with in the first place.  After all, her mortal soul is her original soul.  He might not want the fake one.”

“What does that matter, though?  They’re both Psyche, and one happens to actually love him.  He loved that bit of her soul when it was still attached, didn’t he?  I mean, would you love me in that situation?”

He looked a little embarrassed at the mention of him loving her.  “I actually can’t be too sure,” he told her honestly, which surprised us both.  “Its actually hard to tell how a soul will be if it’s split like that.  It might be the case that  the immortal soul wasn’t compatible with me.  Now if it were exactly like the situation Psyche and Eros are in, and you happened to have the piece of the soul that loved me back and was just as compatible, then yeah, I wouldn’t have a problem with it.  But thinking about it that way, I can sort of see Eros’ problem.”

“You can?” I asked.

“He probably doesn’t feel right having any sort of feelings for a mere piece of her soul while the original part is still out there, and is wandering the Earth.  Knowing that you’re an artificial soul probably isn’t the same as having the actual soul.  It’s complicated.  I mean, just now I was thinking that it wouldn’t matter that the soul was a piece of her soul; it wasn’t her.”

We both stared at him for a moment.  “Wow, do you think that’s what his problem’s been?  That he’s trying to decide if he could love you?  He has a point; you might have a piece of her soul, but the fact remains that you’re apparently not the full reincarnation of Psyche.”

“I…I suppose that’s the case,” I said slowly, unsure how I felt about that.  “But if it is, then why has he stayed with me for three months?”

“I don’t know; I honestly don’t know how the guy operates.  It baffled me for centuries why he was still chasing after you…or rather, the mortal half.  I could understand the first couple of attempts, because maybe he was doing something wrong, but when it kept happening, than it was clear something was up, and she just didn’t want him anymore.  Maybe he was wrong about her love all along, and he just needed to come to terms with the fact and move on.  Granted, we now know why they all rejected him, but we didn’t know that at the time.”

“Poor Zephyr,” Maddie said.  “Never having been in a love true enough that it doesn’t matter.  Maybe he couldn’t move on, maybe that was the problem.”

Zephyrus just shrugged at her.  “The point is that half of what the guy does doesn’t make any sense to me, so don’t bother asking why he does what he does.  He does because it’s freaking mental.  He’s gotten that way because it’s not right for the god of love to be rejected like that.”

“At least I feel a little better about all this knowing it wasn’t actually me that was hurting him,” I muttered.  “I mean, apparently I was chilling in the Underworld, watching all this happening against my will, and having my heart turn out the entire time.”

Actually, although I was in denial about the while immortal soul thing, I didn’t doubt that it wasn’t my soul that was in all those lifetimes.  Although I could remember each life through dreams, now that I knew the truth, I started to dream about my time in the Underworld as well.  I dreamt not long after my return from the Underworld of the day my soul gain consciousness of its own, after a particularly bad rejection, and the soul waking because it was irritated that she did reject him.  For the first time since it was created, the soul had a thought all of its own.

But I want to love him.

And that was pretty much it.  The soul realized that she wasn’t actually there with Psyche or Eros, but rather in the little village Persephone had set up for the souls to live in.  She was the very first, and others soon followed as events in their reborn selves severed the connection somehow.  Some gain consciences only when their other half happened to be in the Underworld waiting for reincarnation.  Others never left their trances.  All the souls were different, and each one reacted differently to being separated.

Still, knowing that it wasn’t me that hurt him only made things slightly better.  I didn’t feel so guilty around him anymore, wishing there was something I could do to make up for all these centuries of hurting him.  Because I hadn’t wanted to.  I had loved him for afar, and he didn’t even realize it.

And now it felt like I was doing it again, and my heart ached for the repeat performance.  At times, it felt like it was just too much, having him as distant as he was, because I finally had my chance at him, and he didn’t even want me.

But I wasn’t really the type of girl to give up that easily.  I just needed something to happen, and then I knew everything was going to be all right soon.  One way or another, I was going to have an answer, but it was the waiting that was slowly killing me from the inside.

Chapter One

Cupid and Psyche Chapter Two

Chapter Three